Deep Thoughts and Many Thanks

As some of you know, I spent four days last week in the hospital which has caused a lot of reflection on my part. To sum it up, a week after baby was born, I was having intense back pain (right after a photoshoot for his announcement no less!). I thought it was leftover from birth, etc. but it started to get worse and worse. My OB nurse thought it might be related to the epidural and advised me to go to the ER. I reluctantly did as she advised and after an IV, some morphine and a chest X-ray, they sent me home with pain meds and Amoxicillin, telling me it was Bronchitis. Needless to say, we didn't think it was Bronchitis and decided to try another ER the next day as the pain was horrible and kept getting worse. I couldn't breath well or lay on my back either. At the second ER, they immediately decided to do a CT Scan to check for a clot which is a risk factor in pregnancy. (The first ER had mentioned such a thing but decided not to because they didn't want to mess up my nursing routine.) So, I headed down for the scan and minutes later was told that indeed I had a large clot in my right lung. Landon and I were in shock and told family right away. Luckily, my mom had just arrived in town to see the new addition and was able to stay with the kids...all four!! I am now home...with part of my lung damaged and after lots of blood-thinners and some oxygen and some good doses of Morphine and Vicodin. I will have to continue on blood-thinners for about 6 months...but I am feeling so much better and the pain is going away. (And today I found out that I don't have to give myself a shot in the gut twice a day anymore...blessings!!)

Anyway...I just had to take a few minutes to write down some feelings and much-deserved thank-yous! We have been so blessed with friends and family...I can't even express my gratitude. People have picked up the kids for school, from school, for soccer practices, birthday parties and preschool. They have brought multiple meals, treats and well-wishes. I have recieved many texts and phone calls. I had visitors in the hospital who helped cheer me up (why are hospitals such depressing places??). And I know I had multiple people praying for me. I had friends checking on my mom, donating formula, picking up things from the store for me, and just taking kids for the day. One amazing friend even came over with her cleaning supplies and scrubbed bathrooms, vacuumed, washed windows and I don't know what else. My sweet sister-in-law held down the fort until my mom got here...fielding phone calls, cleaning, holding the baby and organizing the house. My mother not only watched all four kids including getting everyone off to school, doing homework, staying up nights with a newborn, but also managed to do laundry and keep the house clean. She also managed to cheer me up and help me feel better whenever I called home. She was a huge blessing to have at home so that Landon could stay with me in the hospital and I didn't worry so much about my week-old baby being without me. My husband was/is a SAINT! He brushed my hair, helped me push my IV pole wherever I needed it, watched cheesy movies with me, got anything I needed, bought me a new pillow, rubbed my feet and back, got the nurses if ever I needed something and was just so supportive, cheerful and helpful! He even slept on those hideous hospital "recliners" in order to be with me! My only complaint is that he kept telling me that I looked great and I don't know if he's a good liar, or blind...but when I finally checked a mirror, I did not agree!!

As to my deep thoughts, the doctor told us it had been life-threatening and I couldn't sleep the first night due to worrying. I was worried the clot would move, and I might be gone in any second. I just couldn't quit thinking about my kids and hubby and how I didn't want to miss anything, but more importantly, I didn't want them to have to deal with me missing things. I was worried about my newborn and afraid he'd grow up in the few days I was gone. I just wanted to be home holding my baby and visiting with my mom and enjoying my family. So for hours I lay in that bed and thought and thought and then prayed and prayed until finally I felt a huge sense of comfort and peace and I finally fell asleep. I know that so many people were praying that night and I somehow could feel all of those prayers and I'm so thankful. I also came home thinking about how delicate and fragile life is and how quickly someone could be gone. We never know when life can end and I can't really find the words to explain myself...but somehow we need to be nicer and happier and funner and let more things go and find joy in the small things and laugh off the little irritations and I don't know....hopefully that made sense. So...go hug your loved ones and be happy! I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life and that I am home and things are fine and I shouldn't have long-lasting problems. And really there are others who have many more problems, and this is not supposed to be a pity post but just an outlet for thoughts...mostly I want to convey how strongly I feel that life is so short and brief and how I really want to get the most out of it. I hope I can always remember these feelings. Not that I am a horrible person or awful to my family, but there's always room for improvement. Sorry for the huge post, I have been thinking a lot.

My mom took this picture this morning before she left...thanks Mom!!