Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I Need Eight Arms

Homework is a beast...and I'm not even in school.  Some days it is just plain and utter chaos trying to help everyone as I sign all the papers and reading checklists, answer questions like "What is the synonym and antonym for ____ ?", help with book reports, check for updates and notifications from teachers, and "encourage" everyone incessantly.  Other days it's perfect and smooth sailing as my little angels quickly and dutifully run through their homework and just as quickly put it all away with a smile on their faces (but who am I kidding, those days are few and very far between) .

So the other day I sat everyone down at the big dining room table, and had the kids spread out their work because I intended to hit it all head on.  BAM!  You know, fast and furious like one fabulous homework-helping-assembly line mom.

And at one point, it culminated into a madness where Dennis needed help drawing pictures of five things that rhyme with red (among other tasks) and we were running out of words other than dead.  Mr. C was very worried about that particular word and was concerned it would be much too violent of a picture and we should pick another word.  After racking our brains (all of us) we came up with absolutely zip in the form of words that could possibly be drawn by a five-year old,  other than head, said, Ed, and bed so we finally settled on him drawing a dead bug (less gory and much more everyday)....then a couple days later I realized shed would've worked fine.  C'est la vie, I suppose.

In the midst of the dead debate, Miss B needed a  "science buddy" for her required Science Project. We had to answer all sorts of questions and come up with a hypothesis (she was shocked when she discovered that I too knew the meaning of hypothesis...I know I'm old and I've been outta the loop for a bit, but good grief, I am not totally and completely dim-witted).  So after our hypothesis (or educated guess...see how smart I am), we made an optical illusion by drawing a picture of an empty fish tank on a circular piece of paper and a picture of a fish on another and then attaching each to the end of a pencil with the images facing out.  Then we spun the pencil between our hands and magically...the fish appeared in the empty fish bowl. It was pretty cool and the kids all enjoyed it, but then we had to dig deep and think and answer loads of questions about how does that help us understand cartoon drawing, and why does it happen and how and when etc.  That's when things got tricky.  Especially and most assuredly when the questions seemed to be asking the exact same thing, only worded slightly different and we still hadn't come up with a fifth word for Dennis...so they pretty much got the same answer...only worded slightly different.

Somewhere in the middle, Mr. C desperately needed to know another meaning for "the sky-tickling cactus" and he was sure it meant pointy cactus...which brought about a discussion on what the cactus would have to be to tickle the sky...etc. and so forth.  And through all of that, Q sat quite content... drawing all over his body, the table and folders with multiple colors of markers (luckily washable).

And after we were finished and papers were packed safely away in folders and backpacks, I think it was pretty successful, and only a bit overwhelming.  I think the hard part was switching from hypotheses and theories, to rhyming with small words, to discussing 3rd grade literature, back to going over Kinder sight words, and keeping the toddler from drawing all over every possible visible surface and then finally to dinner.

Miss B once told me that moms should have "lots of arms like an octopus" when she was just a tot.  I would have to say I agree with her.  I don't think there would be many drawbacks other than the extra sets of nails to clip and funny looks from people.  But think of all the multi-tasking...like folding laundry while applying makeup, tying someone's shoes, and signing permission slips.  The possibilities are endless...except the actual possibility of having eight arms.  Darn.  But even just six would be nice...

How creepy-looking is that?


  1. LOL!!! I have always thought that women/moms needed more than two arms and hands myself... But I don't know... with how fit and trim you look, I think that the 6-armed Lou looks great on you! ;)

  2. How great tha would be! but yes creepy looking :) i feel the same way about after school. As I left to go get the kids one day I told chad "now my day turn horrible". He said that was a horible thing to say...untill 10 min after i got home and heard all the demands of paper signing and homework demands. it is overwhelming, and and they all want your help at once! and then dinner...

  3. That's hilarious! You look awesome with six arms!

  4. Where'd you pick up those extra arms? I'd like a few, and I'd take a few extra brains as well to process all the questions coming in at one time. Oh and BREAD!

  5. Creepy but sooooo efficient! Sign me up..

  6. It really doesn't look that bad. I might be interested. My thoughts were that with each kid should come a new arm.


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