Monday, April 16, 2012
I love to look on the internet for ideas and inspiration, but sometimes I get sucked into this awful vortex of thinking that everyone else has a designer home with coordinating rugs, pillows, custom built-ins, accessories and just the right amount of vintage furniture thrown in, plus beautiful hard wood floors and to-die-for organizational systems (that are gorgeous too). And I sometimes look at them and think... Gosh. I don't have all those things. Maybe something's wrong. Apparently MY house needs a complete overhaul, as does my boring backyard and I do not even have cutesy tootsie patio furniture and outdoor decorations. I struggle with organization and my garage looks like a yard sale is on the horizon any minute. Plus everyone else seems to wear these fabulous outfits every single day. And most of the time these days, I shop for clothes at Target, Ross and occassionaly (don't choke) Wal-mart. There I said it. And some days, I am mopping and cleaning and in my jammies because I am like a mad-cleaning machine and I don't want to stop to get dressed in ruffles and skinny jeans and curl my hair because I don't want to end the cleaning streak by getting distracted with a curling iron. Or I wear a t-shirt and jeans and I don't put on a lick of makeup and I let my hair air dry. There are days when I get dressed up and try and look my best, but they are certainly not every day.
I am thankful for the giant, plethora of amazing wonderful ideas and inspiration that we have literally at our fingertips these days, from our home computers to our smart phones. One can find how-to's on anything from installing sprinkler systems to couponing, and sewing your own shoes. There are DIY projects on everything under the sun. But sometimes, sometimes it's all too much for my little brain to take in and I just feel inadequate and filled with a sense of panic that I need to hurry and get on the ball and go shopping for some new and exciting decor, clothes, DIY projects and heels and kick up my photography skills big time. And then I need to wear those heels while I am putting in new wood floors, installing custom lights in the bathroom and painting my own rug.
Other days I am perfectly content because although my kids fight and argue and complain and don't do what they're told all the time...I catch glimpses of heaven, like when I see the boys walking home from school with their arms around eachothers' shoulders chatting happily and I choke back a sob because in that moment, EVERYTHING is perfect. And I don't notice that their shoes are scuffed and one of their lunchboxes is falling apart and I am 99% sure that they don't give a hoot as to what brand of jeans I am wearing or how perfectly designed the living room is. They only care that I am there, that I am listening and that I am their #1 supporter. They care that I sit down and listen to how their day went. They care that I am not distracted when they have a problem. They care that I shoot hoops with them or play a round of Candy Land. They care that I care. And I need to remember that and quit comparing.
So I am vowing to remember (or at least try) that not everyone has everything put together at every moment. And even though there are many fabulous ideas out there to better my life and help me do this project or that, and I am very thankful for those, they are not all requisite for a happy life. Kids need moms who are there and cheerful and happy. Houses need to be cleaned. Errands need to be run. Bills need to be paid. Friends need to be cared for. Food needs to be made. Service needs to be given. Prayers need to be said. Life needs to be lived. And I need to remember it doesn't all have to be perfectly wrapped up in a bow. It just doesn't.